Baring It All at the Russian Banya of Dallas
The Russian Banya of Dallas, which opened nearly 20 years ago, has been owned since 2021 by Michael Uspenski. Misha, as the regulars call him, worked in biotechnology back in Russia, but, owing to his political activism, found it wise to indefinitely extend his family’s U.S. vacation in 2017 and become a naturalized citizen. The banya ritual is his reminder of home.
Misha’s renovated bathhouse now includes three saunas: Finnish (sizzling heat, mostly dry), Turkish hammam (mild heat, 100 percent humidity), and, the main attraction, Russian parilka (ferocious wood-fired heat reaching up to 220 degrees, 50 percent humidity).
Regular patrons are happy to show newbies the hot-room ropes: rinse in a shower before entering the sauna, and leave your robe on a hook. Towels and swimsuits are permitted inside, though most patrons strip to nothing but flip-flops. The naked man lying on the sauna’s center platform getting smacked by a bushel of wet oak leaves did, in fact, pay for that therapeutic service (platza). Don’t miss aromatherapy sessions held every two hours.
By the time the 8 pm session rolls around, the banya is bustling. Forty-eight dripping bodies squeeze onto the benches of the 300-square-foot parilka, many wearing wool hats to protect their heads from the searing heat. A staffer squirts the first scented oil on burning rocks. “Eucalyptus!” he calls out in his heavy Russian accent. A regular stands on a center platform, waving a flag back and forth to force a dragon’s breath onto the wall of bare skin. The blast induces groans.
Pores leak. When the last of three oils hits the rocks (“Garlic!”), another voice calls, “Banya booty!” and the crowd stands and spins to give their backsides a hit of the hot air. After rinsing in the showers, patrons form a line outside the cold plunge. (It is the sole nudity-enforced space, for sanitary reasons.) The 44-degree water registers as more of a full body sting than it does a temperature.
Between hot-and-cold rounds, patrons retreat to the lounge to play chess, shoot pool, read books, slurp steaming spoonfuls of borscht, sip from shot glasses of Nemiroff, and gossip from the vinyl benches of booths. The vibe is family barbecue, and regulars include every color and creed, every shape and age, united in their appetite for a restorative sweat. Last year, a group of 20 flew west to visit Archimedes Banya, a popular Russian bathhouse near San Francisco.
Uspenski says of banyas: “What I found, for me, and that’s what many other people say, is that’s their sanctuary, their church, where they get to meet people, to share things, to talk, sometimes deeply.”
